The Umpteenth Journal Attempt (Version III)

You’ve got to see D’Girlz Begins.

I saw it a couple of days ago, at a press screening. Actually I wasn’t interested in the movie, I just wanted a shot at getting a free prize from the raffle. Apparently so were the several hundred other media people who also attended. No harm in sitting through the movie if it meant we could end up going home with a laptop, an iPod, a digital camera or a flash disk.

So the movie started. In a nutshell, it’s about a young policewoman who goes undercover at an arts institute in order to contact the daughter of a witness-in-hiding who could help bring down a notorious drug lord. Of course, the notorious drug lord won’t go down without a fight.

So far, so-so. This isn’t the first Indonesian movie that’s tried to take a stab at action. The flick starts with a bunch of thugs trying to control a bunch of babies (presumably smuggled) in a house. After that…

To be honest, words can’t do this justice. This is a film that will leave you speechless and unable to stop talking at the same time. This movie is what you get when a tampon company sets up a competition for three winners with no acting experience (and apparently, no ability either) to star in a film that is in reality a flimsy excuse for product placement alongside more seasoned pros who are obviously in it solely for the money, helmed by a washed-up soap opera star turned first-time director who has delusions of Tarantino and Rodriguez.

This is billed as an action-comedy. You’ll definitely laugh, alright. Not because it’s actually funny, mind you - at least not the parts that are meant to be funny - but because it’s so horrible it’s hilarious. The plot is so pretentiously incomprehensible it might as well be an avant-garde art flick. Absolutely nothing makes sense, and no one attached to the movie manages to keep their dignity intact. Especially not we who watched it until the very end, hoping to win something. I won nothing, but even if I did, it wouldn’t have wiped away the sense of violation.

To be honest, I can’t remember much. I’ve tried to block out all memories of it, apart from hilariously appropriate scenes of product placement by the movie’s sponsors Softex, such as the junkyard brawl with a large, pink Softex banner in the background, or the part where one of the girls, in the middle of taking care of her friends who were drugged, is reminded that her period blood is seeping through her jeans and is offered two choices of Softex. If the Softex people thought this would be a great way to promote their product, then they’ve not only shot themselves in the foot, they’ve dropped a hydrogen bomb on it.

And don’t get me started on director Tengku Firmansyah’s narcissism getting the better of him as he also portrays a silent trigger-happy hitman who finally breaks his silence when confronted with a cop who just happened to be his best friend and fellow shoeshiner when they were kids. As his pal’s about to arrest him, he suggests they have a duel for old times’ sake. Does his cop pal do his duty and arrest the murderer? Like hell he does.

I haven’t watched many Indonesian movies in my lifetime, but so far that’s been the worst, by light years. In fact, it may very well be the worst Indonesian movie in history, period. It’s so horrendous it’s destined to be a cult classic. Check it out now, because it’s not going to be in theatres for long. Bring along your friends, so everyone can cringe and laugh together.

This entry was posted on Thursday, April 27th, 2006 at 7:33 am and is filed under Film. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.